The last couple of years I’ve left behind the ritual of making New Year resolutions for something more vague yet focused which is a weird combination. Just a word or two, maybe a short sentence. I don’t really set all the particulars. It’s just a word to keep in mind as I make decisions in the new year ahead. This year the words are Nourish and Flourish.
Because, this January 1st I realized I was finally somewhere mentally, physically and spiritually that is good. Last January I was tired of all my half hearted efforts, my strivings and plans and fails. Was I finally at the end of myself? Nothing dramatic had happened, I had just grown so tired.
So, one winter afternoon I took a nap on the couch in front of our big window as sun shined down upon me and my favorite quilt. I prayed, I don’t remember the words but then that is often how prayers are when you have no idea what you need. I felt peace. Just peace and rest as I fell asleep. After my afternoon nap I wrote about it in my journal, I’m not sure why but I did.
A few days later there was another nap and another journal entry. I remember thinking this was the beginning of the year and I should maybe be ashamed that all I had to show for it was naps and journaling. But I wasn’t, not at all really. Sometimes things happen but they aren’t linear nor are there words to articulate exactly what is happening.
Instead of words of rejection I was hearing words of invitation. I wasn’t hearing this with physical ears but spiritual ones instead. My senses were growing sharper, all of them. I was seeing God’s love as I walked through the woods. I was finding common ground as I read the words of Jeremiah:
“Your words were found and I ate them, and Your word was to me the joy and rejoicing of my heart; for I am called by Your name. O Lord God of hosts.” (15:16)
I won’t continue on except to say God was reminding me anew that I was making myself sick in every way; that I wasn’t experiencing all that He had created me for. He wanted me to obey. I know that is not a popular word because it’s been so perverted in our world so I’ll say it this way too..He wanted me to listened and act upon what I learned, not because of fear but because of love.
Last year I sat at the feet of Jesus and opened my heart to try these new things in my life. After my naps I became active, I did some things, a lot of things actually and I learned a lot. This brings me back to this year 2020. Once again Jeremiah’s words ring in my ear but this time it’s about a future and a hope. No big plan for this year that I am privileged to know just two words directing me, reminding me to nourish so I might flourish.